What is a “beginning” exactly?
Truthfully,
there are so many definitions to that question. There are so many ways to “begin”
something that it’s impossible to tell. Such a question is like an essential
question where there isn't a true answer because people have so many different
views.
To
me, though, I believe a “beginning” is taking that first step. You might be
scared, you might not want to even try, but everyone has to begin at least something. Everything in this world has
a start. Even at the point of birth, you are starting something new. There’s
always a beginning and an end. All that is required is that one small nudge
that sends you into the unknown.
That
abyss of uncertainty that lays before everything we—as humans—complete is terrifying
to me. I’m so mortified by the thought of what could happen that I tend to
over-think things. I am constantly thinking to the point where I come up with as
many scenarios as I possibly can. And I am 100% positive that I always tend to
skip over what actually will happen. When the overlooked scenarios occur, I
grow scared and frustrated. No matter how hard I think, why can’t I possibly
think of what will happen? Why can’t
I just think of something, dismiss it, and actually have it happen to me?
But
it’s obvious that I can’t think of everything that takes place, right? I’m not
magical, I’m not all knowing, and most of all: I can’t stop the unknown from occurring.
All I can possibly do is take a deep breath and dive into that risk.
And diving is what I've decided to do from now on.
From
what I've heard, it takes children ten times to try something to decide whether
or not they like something. And I believe it’s the same for adults. So, I might
have my eyes closed for the first few risks I decide to take, but maybe after
three or four tries—maybe more—I’ll be used to it.
The
first beginning I decided to take was to try writing my thoughts that come to
me based off of thirty or so different words. For a long time now, I've
severely wanted to try this blog writing thing. What will happen as I write is
unknown—obviously—but I’ll grit my
teeth together and push through it.
After
this first step, we’ll just have to see what will come across my path because
although I’m scared, I’m mostly curious. I’m curious to see where I will be in
a year, two years, or in ten years. I’m
curious to know what will fill my life’s desires and interests. Will I
encounter a lot of hardships? Will I be happy? Will I choose the correct path?
Because of such questions that rage through my head, I will forever be curious.
I
hope that whoever reads what I have to write will find at least some kind of
meaning to this. I cannot offer hope, desire, inspiration, or any of that
because I don’t exactly know what I’m writing this blog for. Maybe this will
become an outlet. A chance to get my thoughts flowing.
To
tell you straight out, I’m not going to be writing to a certain audience with
these posts. I don’t even know if I will have
an audience. Instead, I think that this will be for me and that invisible “you”
because I’m selfish. I want something for my own. I want to write at least
something for myself while everything else I've ever written was for at least
one other person.
And with that, I conclude the first dive into the deep water of possibilities.
Also, I apologize for being blunt.
Here’s to new beginnings and taking
risks~
